Gravity Always Wins

There are two that terrify me. First is needles, I cannot watch anything drawn from or being injected into me. I’d fail as a heroin addict. My second greatest fear...heights. This became very apparent when I was about 8 years old and hiked to the Timpanogos Cave with my family. Only a mile and a half hike up a non-strenuous paved trail, yet it felt like an eternity to accomplish. About mid-way up, I looked out into the canyon. Suddenly I felt like I could plummet to my death at any given moment. The vast open view was so overwhelming that I started to cry and continued crying the rest of the hike as I hugged the rock wall. The worst part was each switchback and knowing that I no longer had my precious wall to cling to. I’m sure my parents were already carrying a sibling on their backs, or else I would’ve made them carry me. Miraculously, I made it to the cave. I found complete comfort among the stalactites & stalagmites being tucked inside far from that treacherous drop-off. I was amazed by the incredible things I was seeing all around me, salt & pepper shakers, the shape of a St. Bernard’s head, and the mighty heart of the cave itself. I don’t even remember the walk down, getting in the car, or the drive home.

I went back to Timpanogos in my 20’s, this time to hike to the summit with my friends Sharra and Tony. We started early one summer morning. The weather was beautiful and there were a few mountain goats here & there. By afternoon we reached the summit, a little more than 11,700 feet about sea level. I couldn’t help but notice all the little groups of scub-scouts that made it there before me. I was a strong & healthy 20-something year old and slightly perturbed to find these little buggers had got here first! They must have started the night before.

There were plenty of rocks to secure myself between while we ate lunch. The anxiety didn’t kick in until we started our descent and reached the top of the Timp Glacier. It was July or August, still hot, but the glacier remained a frozen chunk of ice with a thin upper layer of slush. I sat at the top of this steep slope and looked down. What a breathtaking view, especially of Emerald Lake. There is was, an icy cold body of water, waiting to engulf you as you rapidly approach it while sliding down the hill at neck-break speeds.

I sat on my windbreaker tied around my waist, and noticed the squad of booger-miners slide down on their black Hefty garbage bags. Again! Beat by 8 year olds! Then Sharra & Tony took off without hesitation. I watched them glissade down so carefree. Obviously, they had done this before. I continued to sit and contemplated just how long it was take me to hike down the long way. I’m not sure how long I had sat there praying for someone to come up from behind and just shove me on my way, but I finally took a deep breath and went for it. It-was-so-fun! The rest of the hike, or hobble, was interesting, as the inherited arthritis in my knees had fully kicked-in by now. Aside from that, it was a great experience.



Approximately 1998 B.C. (before children), I went backpacking in the Uintas with a few friends/co-workers. We started at the Crystal Lake trailhead and made our way to Wall Lake. Not an exhausting hike, but once we set up camp we knew what needed to happen next. It was August and hot, especially for Uinta temperatures in the early evening.

There are two things you should know about a group of lifeguards:



I'm sure the lake was much,
much lower when I was there.



1) It is futile to expect them to stay out of water.

2) Water-safety rules do not apply to them, or so they think, (e.g. don’t just pack it, wear your jacket, cold can kill, and look before you leap.)



There was the lake, beckoning us to jump in, and not just jump in from the shore, but literally jump in. There’s a good reason why it is named Wall Lake. It was easy to climb up the wall of rocks, forgetting just how high up I had got before realizing I still had to come back down, one way or another. There I was again, like several times before, watching everyone else go first while I stood there, trying my best to muster enough courage to follow and wishing for that push from behind. Then pride stepped up and I finally jumped in. The water was a cold rush and once submerged it felt like my breath was stolen from my lungs, at the same time it was exhilarating.

Recently, I went snowboarding this winter after a 7-year hiatus, with my brother.  It wasn't too long before I got the hang of it again, and Shane was kind enough to let me warm up on the easy runs indicated by the welcoming green circles.  Then push came to shove, just like we were growing up, and he led me down an intermediate/expert trail.  It was so difficult for me to break out of the norm and feel comfortable about it, especially as I passed the blood-splattered snow (not my own, but a previous victim suffering from mid-life crisis) and thought to myself, "What the hell am I doing?"  However, I soon found myself having fun, exhausting, but fun.

I’m thirty-five years old and still afraid of needles and climbing ladders puts my stomach in knots. I don’t expect to overcome my fear of heights entirely, but it has been nice to have it lapse for a few moments. Maybe it’s not actually height itself that I fear, there is some incredible scenery way up there, more so I’m just afraid of the fall. Then again, who isn’t? Don’t expect me to go rock climbing, sky diving, or get a Frisbee off the roof. I’d like to be around for another 35 years and I know my limits.

Little Tigers

Not only does having 2 kids under the age of 5, and only 19 months apart make for a deadly combination (mostly for the parents), but add to their natural ninja skills and cyclone-like abilities a few months of Tae Kwon Do lessons and you have your own miniature lethal weapons.



I’m not sure what makes me more proud, the fact that Riley can kick butt & the fact that pushups & sit-ups are no problem for her, or that Tyler has truly found his calling as class clown.

Conversations similar to this have the standard form of entertainment:
Tyler, age 4, turns to fellow 4 year old student as they wait in line to demonstrate their skills and says,
“Do you have a pet dog?”
“No.”
“Do you have a pet cat?”
“No.”
“Then do you have a pet alligator?”
At this point I couldn’t hear the response over the laughter in the room.

This man has the patience of a saint.
Lucky for the student that has the
attention span of a ferret.



 

Riley - Master Kim - Tyler

photo by Stephanie Burnett

"Let us first be as simple and well as Nature ourselves, dispel the clouds which hang over our brows, and take up a little life into our pores."

   - Walden, Henry David Thoreau -

The Great Wave

 

Last week I rushed to a map of Japan to find proximity of Gifu to Sendai, hoping they were no where close to each other. I was relieved to find that there is a good distance between the two.



August 1994, following my high school graduation, I had the fortunate experience of traveling to Japan for about 2 weeks with a group of teenagers. (Ironically, my mom also stayed in Japan the summer following her graduation.) This was my first time flying on an airplane, 14 hours later we landed at the Narita airport. The combination of heat and humidity was like nothing I had experienced before! Then we took a bus ride for several more hours to Gifu. I was already amazed by the landscape, terraced rice paddies on one side of the highway, a racing bullet train and bustling cities on the other.

Not only was the trip by itself great,

but I shared the experience with one of my best friends.

We arrived at Kakamigahara City Hall late that night and waited excitedly to meet our host families. I met my family, the Watanabe’s; Kunio, Tomoko, their 10 year old daughter Mariko, 8 year old son Junpei and Kunio’s elderly parents. That first night is still a blur and thankful for the short drive to their home. I was exhausted and after exchanging a few gifts I put my head on my buckwheat hull-filled pillow, blinked, and it was already time to wake up.

Kunio, Tomoko, Me, Mariko, and Junpei

Breakfast...a salad with an Asian-version of Thousand Island dressing, and miso soup. Have I mentioned that I used to be the pickiest eater in the world? Not helpful when traveling to a foreign country. Luckily, I didn’t struggle too much with the cuisine and I loved that Kunio owned a restaurant that (to the best to my knowledge) translated to “The Spaghetti Jungle.” I still don’t know what I ate in some of those dishes, but it was delicious.

Wasabi anyone? 

I still feel the same way towards most sushi.

I immediately noticed the little, and not so little, differences. They are impeccably clean people, second only to my Aunt Pam. Tokyo was litter-free, their home was spotless, and then there was the bathroom. The toilet was located in its own room separate from the rest of the bathroom with specific house slippers to use while in there. What a novel idea! The toilet itself was half robot, complete with its own control panel. There was a bidet option, seat warmer, gluteus maximus massage, and though I’m not certain, the ability to launch a small spacecraft into orbit. I didn’t dare try any of them for fear of pressing the one falsely announcing to those inside the house that I was fresh out of toilet paper and fearing they would walk right in with a delivery, as the females had no qualms about doing that while I was showering. That was weird.

 

Kyoto

During my “home-stay” my family not only took me to places such as Inuyama Castle, Buddhist temples, the Sea of Japan, Kyoto and Nagoya, but showed me what their everyday life was like. We went shopping for groceries, watched the kids karate lessons and some insane game shows on TV, went swimming, and “camping” which was more like an all-day picnic in the forest, and of course, karaoke.



Sea of Japan
Mihama Nuclear Plant on the left

The grocery store was quite an experience! We didn’t have Target around here yet, so the concept of buying everything from kimonos, watches, books, and food in one place was amazing. That was the first time I’d seen a nashi (Asian pear) the size of a basketball. (While growing up, my best friend had a nashi tree in her yard; they grew to about the size of a small apple. I was already familiar with them and loved the taste, but these were incredible!) Then Kunio motioned for me to see what he found on the floor near one of the displays. It was an insect (probably a beetle) the size of my hand. I still get chills thinking about it, it was disgusting! They found my reaction quite comical. So amusing, in fact, that later the kids took me for a walk amid a bamboo forest near their house. The area was beautiful and the noise from the cicadas was near deafening, and yet wonderful as I had never heard anything like it before. They showed me where to find more giant creatures and insects, and they picked them up without a second thought, running dangerously close to my face with them.





Just as I was feeling comfortable with the customs, language, and personalities of my host family, it was time to go. It was a solemn morning as we said goodbye to each other. Their hospitality & generosity was overwhelming, I felt I could never say “thank you” enough. We boarded the bus and headed to Tokyo for the last few days of our trip.

Only 5'3 but I felt like a giant there.

I can’t even begin to describe Tokyo. A bunch of teenagers, some really cool chaperones and a city that seemed to run 24 hours a day was phenomenal! We did most of our sight-seeing during the day and took the subway downtown at night. The city was lit up with neon signs, vendors selling knock-offs of every sort, and fresh, mouthwatering pineapple sold on the streets that were packed with pedestrians. It was so fun, but by the end of the trip I was homesick.

Downtown Tokyo

Since my visit, I have corresponded with the Watanabe’s and every year we exchange gifts at Christmas. A package arrives filled with intriguing candies, snacks, toys for my kids, pictures from their travels, and traditional Japanese decorative items and the clean paper-like scent on everything is exactly how I remember it in Japan. I was so excited when I learned that Mariko was planning a trip to Salt Lake City when she was 14 years old. Following a painstaking game of phone tag, I arranged for her to stay at my family’s home. At the end of her visit it was a tearful goodbye. I still consider the Watanabe’s my family and I’ll continue to wait anxiously until I know that they are safe.

I'll take Cancer for $95,374.63, Alex

I had no idea how much cancer would cost until I saw the insurance statements arrive. My particular cancer was $95,374.63. At least the costs submitted to my insurance totaled that amount. I do my share of complaining about my insurance (Public Employees are a pain in our ass Health Plan), but I can’t imagine trying to cope without it. Ironically, I qualified for a rebate through our insurance because I met certain health standards this past year. Here are the amounts submitted to my insurance this past year:

Workup to diagnosis:
Chest CT 90.00
Ultra Sound 275.00
Stress Test 2,832.21
Thyroid scan 3,775.15

CAT scan 1,700.37

Biopsy + Bonus overnight stay in hospital (including 2 - $3.00 Ibu) = 13,529.05

Oncologist Consult 456.00
2nd opinion Consult 503.80
MUGA scan 2,001.34
Bone marrow biopsy 1,716.00
EKG (2) 1,000.00
(To measure my ejection fraction on my heart before chemo for baseline & after chemo to see if there was any damage)
PICC line 384.00
Pet scans (4) 27,700.00
Chemotherapy (3 rounds) 24,277.50
Radiation (20 treatments) 14,380.70
Rx throughout treatment 363.51
$30.00 copay for every Dr. appointment 390.00

Basically, it would have been cheaper to bury me. Really, let me show you.

Funeral Service 3,390.00

Casket 1,000.00

Vault 650.00

Burial Transit Permit 47.00

Interment 400.00

Plot 500.00

Marker 500.00 = 6,487.00

Since I’ve brought it up, when I die, here are a few instructions for the poor soul who is left in charge. First, and foremost, I AM A DONOR. Take all, some or none, I really won’t care. Depending on the circumstances, feel free to donate my body to the U of U med school. If it helps even just one person become a better doctor, let them use my empty vessel to do so. I’ll have but one postmortem request, that either heaven or hell (whichever lost the bet) will let me stand behind that poor, new med student and just as he or she is about to make their first incision, that I’m allowed to grab them by the sides and yell “Ouch! That hurts!” They’ll be ready for anything after that, or quit immediately and become a pharmacist at Walgreens.

Secondly, absolutely under no circumstances is there to be an open casket. End of story.

Third, go cheap! I’ll be dead, so what do I care? Spend money on something important. Choose the least expensive casket, marker, and no flowers unless they’re picked from your own yard. Instead, donate to a worthy cause.

Last, keep my obituary simple. It really bothers me to read that someone “lost their courageous battle with cancer.” You can bet your life they were courageous! But no one loses to cancer. Don’t give it any dignity or credit, it’s merely a segue to the next adventure.

A Tyler by any other name…

Today my little Groundhog baby turns 4 years old. In four short years, he’s more mischievous than I could have ever imagined, amazes me everyday with the things he says, displays chivalry by defending his sister to the ends of the earth, and is genuinely a happy, caring, sweet little house elf.

He is a Weapon of Mass Destruction.
He emptied EVERY dresser drawer.

Sprout is the first of many nicknames. We had to call him something due to unknown gender during my pregnancy with him. Only 10 months after Riley was born, I found out I was pregnant. I could barely keep it all together with one child and another was on the way. Following a harsh bout with post-partum depression (yes, it is very real and pure hell so bite me Tom Cruise) I was in denial, scared, and in absolute panic mode. However, after seeing the bond between Tyler & his older sister Riley, I understand his rush to get here.

I was blessed again to have a pregnancy free of complications. My doctor convinced me that considering the experience with my first delivery, an induced labor would be the best option for me. Everyone told me a second labor goes by faster than the first. Not so, and I regret being induced. After checking into the hospital early Friday morning, having the Pitocin drip in place, followed by my beloved epidural, it was a long day of very little activity. As a result of such inactivity, my nurse was ordered to try an additional measure. Whoever invented the technique of stripping membranes is a sadist. That was by far the most painful thing this body has ever experienced. Following a 12 hour day, 8 pounds 1 ounce, and 21 ½ inches of an incredible little being arrived at 9:49 p.m. After meeting Tyler, I’d do it all again without a second thought.



When Tyler was about 10 months old and started talking, he would get so excited upon seeing a snowman in a front yard and say “Mo-mess!” It took us awhile before we realized he was trying to say “snowman.” However, Mo-Mess became a very appropriate nickname for him. Not a meal would go by without a minor disaster with it. He even has his own theme song. Although when the munchkins sing along, Paul Simon’s “Homeless” gets tweaked a little to “Mo-Mess, Mo-Mess.”



I admire Tyler’s outgoing nature. Not a person can walk by our house without Tyler greeting them, and he won’t let up until his salutation is acknowledged. I love hearing him yell across the street “Hi Mr. Tingey!” then seeing the simultaneous smile & wave that he gets in return.

From bugs to dinosaurs, trains, Jeeps, superheroes, fire engines & police cars, and most recently, Michael Jackson’s dance moves (don’t ask), it’s exciting to see his curiosity and interests change each day.



Using his magni-finding glass



Tyler Two-Two (because you have to say things to him at least twice before he listens to you), the second child born on the second day of the second month, makes everyday an adventure. I look forward to the things he says or questions Tyler asks. Whether it’s the humorous ones such as “Can I give Gnocchi (his cat) some smarsh-smellows for breakfast?” or the sincere concern regarding the well-being of our neighbor who isn’t feeling well. Or to hear him say, “That is so wonderful!” Tyler has brightened my darkest days with a simple statement that comes straight from his heart. “Mom, I love you.”

I love you too, Tyler.

And On The 8th Day

I don't make resolutions because I know I won't keep them and by March I will have completely forgot what I resolved to change or do differently anyways. However, with more practice, I'd like to eat a little less, breathe a little deeper, and be kind a little more.

Last year a friend compiled a list of favorite songs submitted by a wide range of demographics. (ahem...Randy...I'd still love to see the results.) I considered following up my lists with my favorite songs, but found that was too daunting of a task. I like too many to narrow it down, the ones that are my favorite are not mainstream and have no significance to anyone other than myself, and they change all the time. Instead here are a few of my favorites, for the moment:

The Beatles (I know, cliché)
From the beauty of "In My Life" to the playfulness of "Octopus's Garden," they will always be a favorite.

U2 (again, cliché)

November 1992 - Las Vegas the best concert I've been to.

Thanks Mom & Dad for trusting a 16 year old to drive to LV with a bunch of other teenagers to see them. There was only a small amount of sex & drugs that accompanied us.

Led Zeppelin*
Beastie Boys*

* I'm not sure which is more amazing, the fact that Led Zeppelin could write music that 20 years later would be used by a rap group or that the group of New York white-boy punks could make "When the Levee Breaks" sound

 even better.

Jimmy Buffet

How can you listen to James without feeling good? Sadly, kids don't know what a pop-top is and my land-locked associated memory of stepping on them is on the pristine, white sandy beaches of Pineview reservoir.

Rolling Stones

They may be ancient and hideously ugly, but I'll never grow tired of listening to "Paint It Black."

Iz

I love Hawaii.

Trash Can Sinatras

Only 2 of you will even know who this band is. October 2004 in front of Greywhale CD, best outdoor, acoustic show ever. The next day I found out I was pregnant with Riley, their music always makes me think of her.



Lady Elaine Fairchilde?  Is that you?


Barry Manilow

"Copacabana" is pure musical wonderment! I'm totally kidding! I wanted to see if you're paying attention. Sorry Mom.



Nine Inch Nails tied with Jane's Addiction & The White Stripes

Yep, I really did type that. I could listen to Trent, Perry & Jack all day when I need angry music. Oddly, I don't have a single song on the myPod...yet.

The Grateful Dead

Yep, I really did type that too.

Ani DiFranco

She's a clever one.

Vampire Weekend

Favorite new band, sadly, it's a lot of other peoples' too and they sold out for a car commercial.



Worst songs ever!

Fireflies

Muskrat Love

Baby Got Back

California Gurls

Anything by John Mayer

Feliz Navidad

A Few Confessions

I find that women look ridiculous with the word “PINK” or even worse “Juicy” sprawled across the butt of their pants. The designer for Victoria’s Secret that came up with that atrocity was either completely high or pulled a really great joke on consumers.

I adore garden gnomes.

Never been to Carl’s Jr. and never plan on eating there based solely upon my disdain for their commercials.

I am obsessive about the perfume I wear. I have tried many times to switch, but I always go back to the same one I’ve bought for the past eleven years. It’ll be a sad day when I can no longer find Carolina Herrera 212.

I am a foodie. I love watching cooking shows. I try to eat healthy most of the time, but I certainly have my weaknesses too. Originally I intended a very different title for this post, but realized it had the potential to attract a good deal of perverts. Here is my list of favorite Food porn*

*a term coined by my friends to appropriately describe food which provides absolutely no nutritional value, often contains 2 days worth of fat, calories and or cholesterol, yet knowing this information the said food by-product is still consumed and one may or may not feel guilty afterwards, largely depending on the day of the week this takes place.

10. Training Table cheese fries

  9. Wilkinson’s scones with honey butter

  8. Ramen noodles

  7. Cinnabon cinnamon rolls

  6. Big Macs (minus 1 of the 2 patties included)

  5. Waffle Crisp cereal

  4. Chili-Cheese flavored Fritos

  3. Chili-Cheese dogs from Weinerschnitzel

  2. Reese’s peanut butter eggs

  1. Ho-Ho’s

Closing Time

As the year comes to a close there is an abundance of top 10 best - whatever lists produced. Here are some of my favorites and even some of the worst lists I can come up with.

I saw 4 movies in the theater this year. The first, and only grown-up film, was at Sundance. I can’t remember the title, because honestly I spent most the time wondering how and when I was going to explain to my friends sitting beside me that I wouldn’t be able to join them for lunch or snowshoeing the next day due to the biopsy scheduled for the enormous space invader growing in my chest. Nevertheless, it was a comedy and a fairly good one at that.

The next 3 were animated shows, not too bad either. One confirmed my longtime theories that Vikings did indeed have a Scottish accent and a dragon would make a fine pet. Another was a classic good vs. evil between superheroes voiced by the comedic genius Will Ferrell and an all too short appearance by Mr. Pitt. Finally, there was Disney’s latest fairytale adaptation, Rapunzel. It was cute and seemed cleverly influenced by The Little Mermaid, Sleeping Beauty, and Snow White.

Considering my limited exposure to the movies of 2010, I thought it better to present my All-Time Favorite Movies instead. I didn’t choose these based on brilliant screenplays or breathtaking cinematography, but movies I that watch over and over again.

10. Trainspotting

  9. Dead Poet’s Society

  8. Napoleon Dynamite

  7. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

  6. Return of the Jedi

  5. Ocean’s Eleven (2001)

  4. Raiders of the Lost Ark

  3. The Goonies

  2. Better Off Dead

  1. Amélie

Honorable Mentions:

L.A. Confidential

Big

Toy Story II

Shrek I & II

The Full Monty

The Shawshank Redemption

The Scarlet Pimpernel (1982)

E.T.  (I still cannot believe my parents brought my, then 2 year old, brother along with us to the old Trolley Square theaters to

watch this movie.  Perhaps it explains a lot about the alien-related phobia he has today.) 

Consequently, here are some of the worst movies I have ever sat through:
5. Lord of the Rings
4. Any and all James Cameron films
3. Ghost
2. Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom
1. Star Wars I, II, III (Jar Jar Binks?  What the hell were you thinking George?!)

Hark! The Hairald Angels Sing

I venture outside the house all but twice during December. Once to buy chocolate treats for the advent calendar, and a second time to buy some more, because I’ve ate most of the first ones I bought. If we should see each other (Target, that’s where I see everyone, i.e. Viewmont alumni 1992-1996), I’ll give you a little heads-up (pun intended) on my current hair status so as to alleviate some of the shock. It’s still very short, very dark, and so not me, but it’s finally here and it’s better than nothing.

In the morning I look like this

My kids see me as this

On a really good day with a lot of hair product, I can almost pull off this



7 months later, my post-chemo hair
Photo by Tyler age 3