I won't give you the dignity of spelling you correctly. Today I HATE YOU!
WARNING: This rant is completely in vain. I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm simply venting. I know I should be happy, I'm getting an extended warranty on life, but I'm just not feeling it today.
I knew this day would come. I envisioned making a party out of it, letting everyone take a swipe around the noggin. Mostly, I wanted to prevent shocking my munchkins. I couldn't do it, it wasn't a party.
"Hold on. Hold on to yourself, for this is gonna hurt like hell."
You're right Sarah, this does hurt.
I've come to identify a fair amount of my femininity with my hair. I envied the girls in jr. high & high school with long hair. Finally, in my 30's & with the help of some pregnancy hormones, I had a length that I loved. I admit, one of the first questions that ran through my mind when I was diagnosed was if I'd lose my hair or not. How sick is that? For normal people it would've been, "How successful is treatment?" or "Is this curable?" Not me. I know it's just hair and it'll grow back, but please don't say that to me, it's not comforting right now. The most difficult part is that you have no say in the matter, it's decided for you. marla also messed around with Pride & Joy too. There's a double edged sword that comes with significant weight loss. Ladies, you know what's first to go. I discovered this when, a few days after being diagnosed, I went "therapy" shopping. For the first time in my life I was looking for a smaller bra size. That was a nice kick to the head to start. Yes, it could be worse, much worse. Women who are fighting breast canser are my heroes. Talk about a devastating blow. I lack the courage to battle that one.
WARNING: This rant is completely in vain. I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm simply venting. I know I should be happy, I'm getting an extended warranty on life, but I'm just not feeling it today.
I knew this day would come. I envisioned making a party out of it, letting everyone take a swipe around the noggin. Mostly, I wanted to prevent shocking my munchkins. I couldn't do it, it wasn't a party.
"Hold on. Hold on to yourself, for this is gonna hurt like hell."
You're right Sarah, this does hurt.
I've come to identify a fair amount of my femininity with my hair. I envied the girls in jr. high & high school with long hair. Finally, in my 30's & with the help of some pregnancy hormones, I had a length that I loved. I admit, one of the first questions that ran through my mind when I was diagnosed was if I'd lose my hair or not. How sick is that? For normal people it would've been, "How successful is treatment?" or "Is this curable?" Not me. I know it's just hair and it'll grow back, but please don't say that to me, it's not comforting right now. The most difficult part is that you have no say in the matter, it's decided for you. marla also messed around with Pride & Joy too. There's a double edged sword that comes with significant weight loss. Ladies, you know what's first to go. I discovered this when, a few days after being diagnosed, I went "therapy" shopping. For the first time in my life I was looking for a smaller bra size. That was a nice kick to the head to start. Yes, it could be worse, much worse. Women who are fighting breast canser are my heroes. Talk about a devastating blow. I lack the courage to battle that one.
So I may be wallowing for a little while, then I'll be just fine.
Today's score:
Rachelle - a whole lot
marla - you got me on this one
Today's score:
Rachelle - a whole lot
marla - you got me on this one
It's good to vent, vent away missy! I think the hair thing would probably be my first question too don't feel silly about that. Luv ya
ReplyDeleteI'm trying hard to think of something..anything..clever, witty, a bright side to this whole mess. I've got nothin. This post made me cry--so if it helps, I'll cry along with you. I love you Rachelle. Even after so many years, you are where I come from. You are a part of every memory I have growing up. Hang in there--it has to get better.
ReplyDeleteMy friend...
ReplyDeleteRachelle,
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing wrong with being "vain" as you put it, there is nothing wrong with being upset, there is nothing wrong with being human. When my daughter relapsed at 8-years-old, that was the first thing she said, "am I going to lose my hair". So, you're no different than any other beautiful woman out there. And it's ok. GET MAD!! It'll make you kick this thing even harder!! I love you!
My dear friend...I'm not even going to try and console you, because, honestly, I don't know if I would know how. I just want you to know that I love you and YOU are my hero.
ReplyDeleteRasha. Hang in there sweetie! What Chelsey said about coming up with something cute & witty, I thought the same thing. I want to post something that will put a smile on your face. So I will just say I love you & sending u a big hug!!!
ReplyDeleteYou are beautiful!
ReplyDeleteSending a big hug your way.